This Is Never Going To Be Over.

My family and I went on a 12 day trip to Colorado recently and in terms of weight loss it totally screwed me.. scratch that I screwed myself.  Of course not having a kitchen means eating out Morning, noon, and night.  Now I Could have made better choices.. I could have had smaller portions, and I could have worked out everyday..But I didn't.  I ignored the little voice in my head saying "this isn't a good idea..think of your ass!"  But still I shoved burgers, fries, coke, pizza, Chinese, Beer and whatever else I wanted in the moment right into my pie hole. Now here I am.. up 9 LBS!! 9 freaking pounds. I'd love to say "I'm shocked! I have no idea how this happened!" But that just isn't true.. I did this. No one else.. Me.  I did this to myself.  Did it taste good at the time?  Hell yes it did!  Am I regretting it now?  That's another big ol Hell yes I am!   Not only have I gained weight but I've also been flat out stuffing my face with way to much food that now my body wants big meals again. Guess what body?  Your not getting them starting today! 

Everyone slips up (at least that's what I tell myself).  I still have a goal ahead of me.. that goal is to be healthy. This experience is a smack in the face saying that it will never be over. I will never be able to eat whatever i want, whenever i want, and still look the way I want to. That is the very sad truth. Some people can eat whatever they wish and still maintain that healthy "Look" but they aren't truly "healthy" they are just thin. Would I love to be "thin" yes.. but I'd rather be healthy and know how to feed myself in order to maintain.  My goal isn't to get to where I want to be only to throw it all out the window because i don't need to "diet" anymore. I am not on a diet. I am changing my life. Slipping back into old habits is so easy to do.. it's slipping back out of them again that is the struggle. I promise myself to push on!  I will not settle for anything less than my best, and my best does not weight 209lbs! I will be back under 200.  I will be able to fit in a "normal" size wedding dress. and I will be healthy.

I will.